I need a little time ...

I sometimes wonder what the world would be like if everyone adopted a small difference.

Imagine if we all slowed down, just by a fraction.

Our reactions would have time to become responses. Sharp comments that lead to debate might be better understood, or empathically questioned to be better understood, before assumptions set a dispute in motion and it gains pace to a full-blown, no holds-barred, competitive argument.

Understanding another's perspective, as well as our own, is essential in avoiding unnecessary dispute. If we all slowed down, just a little, and kept that change through life, how much quality time would we get back as a consequence of this new way of being, time that would otherwise be lost in argument, together with its emotional and physical effects?

It's ironic to note that slowing down can actually give us time, when we seem to be speeding up and running forward at a break-neck pace through a fear that we don't have enough.

We have one chance to live this life. Daily, we make choices that determine its quality and its impact on others. At the end, our legacy will be what others remember of our presence, our acts, our achievements, our accomplishments, our accolades.

If you want to shape the things you are remembered for, take a small amount of time, right now, to acknowledge that you have the choice to guide that focus. Make the change, and keep it. Otherwise, regret the time you wasted reading this and get back to what you were doing, quickly!

Not a Lost Art, a Discarded Gift

The ability to genuinely connect, with empathy, to another human being seems less common today.

Diminished by years of deferment to technology, eye contact is now not necessary. We aren't in the same room, and we have established contacts that have never been in the room with us at the same time. 

Weird, isn't it? 

No, it's normal.

We learn rapport skills as a precursor to gaining personal influence, to persuasion, and to success in our dealings with others, them, the third parties. Just for now, while we still have to meet them in person.

When gathered with friends and someone asks who did that thing, when did something happen, or who won the cup in 1996, no longer does anyone touch their chin and reminisce. They don't think or remember or relate. They just turn to the nearest person with two thumbs, a smartphone and a signal.

How sad that we cannot go home still pondering the answer.

The mystery has gone; in its place we have certainty, and its midst lies emptiness, a space that may stay vacant for a very long time.

We did that.

Random Acts of Kindness

They do happen. Wouldn't it be good if we had a chance to capture them somewhere, especially if they were shared by the recipients of someone else's kindness?

We should all practise them, and I'd suggest something daily. It's ok, in fact encouraged, to do this and just know your intention was pure and your act was noble. No need to tell us what you did, and in many ways keeping quiet about your chosen act adds to its value.

If the recipient of kindness has somewhere to share the effect of the act they received, maybe, just maybe, more of us would be encouraged to engage and make a difference to another's life.

We need a place like that. In the meantime, to borrow a phrase from a well-known sports goods manufacturer, just do it.

If we all did one thing, just one thing, every day, to lighten the load of someone else, to share a smile if nothing else, what kind of world would we live in?

The Measure of a Man?

Beneath the sharp suit, the tailored shirt and standing in the bespoke shoes is a man. Outside is his car, it may be one of several, or may be a single, exclusive, expensive example.

Ownership and stewardship are factors used by others to make an assessment of personal worth in a societal sense. 

That's the way it is.

If wealth and possessions are the only metric by which we are measured, and other factors are ignored, we will never be truly accepted, understood or valued.

Vincent Van Gogh is valued, and his work is incredibly valuable. He is remembered and revered. How much did he make from his art?

The Perception of Reality

Do you ever feel like you're in a TV show, a play or maybe a movie?

Deja vu occurring as you think something or even prepare to say it, repeating just after you do. A sense of connection but a feeling that somehow it isn't genuine. An echo of your voice in the room that makes it seem as though you're listening to somebody else.

As you read this does it create the same effect or do you know that this sort of thing doesn't happen to you? If so, how do you know, for sure, and what just happened when you asked yourself that question?

We exist at levels other than the simple conscious. How to experience the best of each of these and avoid the demons, that is a quest!

It's not you

When you offer help to someone and find their reaction isn't what you expected and all they do is look puzzled, it's natural to wonder what you did wrong.

Could you have said it better?

Did you miss the point?

Have you offended their dignity?

Are they embarrassed?

Does it matter? What about them, what could they have done differently? 

They own the response. If you don't get some sense of appreciation when your intent is only to assist, don't blame yourself.

Walk on. Never let it stop you offering someone else a helping hand, they just might be grateful to know someone cares and for them it could make a huge difference.

It's more than my job's worth

If you ever need to ask a member of staff for a concession you might hear them say 'it's more than my job is worth.'

So there you have it. If you can compensate them beyond the value of their job they'll probably do it. If that's the true measure they're using to decide.

Silly? Now change that focus from a direct request from you to a possibility they see for themselves. Change the employee to an investment banker.

Now ask yourself if you really don't understand their moral compass and how they did what they did.

Yes. You're right. They kept their job too.

Do Not Stand Out

It's not cool to be happy. 

You must appear distant, vacant, unattached, disinterested, entitled, grumpy, harassed, stressed out and in a major hurry.

If you want to fit in.

Courage and Confidence, and ...

In business courage and confidence are encouraged; they are seen as necessary components in our character in order to succeed.

What about kindness?

You won't see that taught in many business schools. What a shame that it isn't, because if you add kindness to courage and confidence when dealing with your customers and colleagues, diminishing neither as you do, which characteristic do you think will last longest in their minds?

You cannot get there from here!

Is a phrase you might hear in Ireland if you were asking for directions.

I'm wondering if you've ever told yourself. I'm wondering if you've ever told yourself and not realised you have, because I did. It was only when I woke up to the fact that it had happened that I was able to do something about it.

Simply accepting it meant I was stuck, even though I was struggling, there was no escape.

Accepting I had accepted it gave me a chance to ask a different question, one where if it were true that I couldn't get to where I wanted to go from where I was, where did I need to be instead?

Somewhere else! This applies as much to a mind-state as it does to a physical place.

If there's no direct flight to your destination, you add a stop, or two.

Now that you're thinking about it (you already knew it but weren't thinking about it before) where are you going to go next?

Where is Your Identity?

Things you own come and go, e.g. homes, cars, and electrical goods.

The constant is your own identity, you can't sell or trade it, can you?

Do you keep it safe, secure, respected and confident within you, or open to inspection, comment, dents and damage?

When you are asked "Who are you?" are you prone to responding with what you do, what you've done, where you are, where you've been etc?

Self-image is vitally important because it governs so much of our potential. It lets or denies our actions. It is often open to criticism, none stronger than from within ourselves. We may have friends who'll help by telling us what we mean to them, and helpful as that can be, it will never capture the full story.

Keep it safe.

So you want to stand out?

Nothing wrong with that! 

The crowd is already crowded, that's why we call it the crowd.

Now, how exactly are you going to do it and how long will it take before you're noticed as exceptional, different, better ... Beyond the norm?

Here's a quick and easy way to do it. So simple in fact, that most just don't.

Be someone that does what they say they are going to do.

Yep! That's it. Look around you, most don't. It's simple, easy, cheap and effective, yet there are those embarking on long courses and investing great expense to stand out, often in swathes.

If only they knew eh?

Stop Apologising

... For the things you never done - according to The Jam and Paul Weller. (A Town Called Malice)

Have you? Do you, as I did just yesterday, find yourself saying sorry when it's not your fault?

I was trying to tender an apology for the poor connection we had in a telephone call. It was not my doing, and it wasn't something I could fix. I then exclaimed that I wasn't sorry simply because it had nothing to do with me. I suddenly felt a lot better.

Just stop it. You already have enough responsibility going on, don't add to that by picking up and owning stuff that simply isn't yours.

And finally on this topic... Apologies in advance for any offence here...

NEVER say sorry for something you haven't done yet. There'll be plenty of time for that later ;)

Why is it so hard?

In this post you'll recognise that 'it' differs for each of us. Your it isn't mine. Mine isn't yours. 

The hard bit is what we share.

Good for you if it isn't. Not necessarily bad for you if it is, or me.

Whatever the issue is, a way out to the solution is what we want.

Who posted the sentries on the route from here to there, where here is now and there is where you want to be, to make the journey more difficult?

No-one! Once we hold the realisation that the obstacles aren't deliberately positioned in our way, and there truly isn't some agenda to prevent our progress, then we are free to move on.

When 'there' is reachable from 'here', it all seems instantly possible.

The Hard Charade of Façade

Wise words encourage us to hide our hurt, suppress our anxiety and put a brave face on for the world.

Other wise words suggest: always be authentic, always display honesty and always act with integrity.

Can you see the problem here?

What's best for you, right now?

Does it depend on your circumstance, your location, your company ... is it contextual?

If it is, then how do you decide which is best?

I'm sure I don't know, I'm too busy showing the world my best ...

I'm confident, outgoing, interested, energetic and keen. At least on the outside ;)

Do you fit the Profile?

Many tools are available to elicit, measure, calculate and report your 'profile' together with its uses and frailties in varying contexts.

There will be accuracy. There will be inaccuracy. You will agree some points and deny others. 

Do you do that because the measurement and reporting is programmed to highlight certain aspects of your character? I'm sure I don't know, and I guess you probably don't know either. Maybe there's a profile tool for that?

When you are categorised do you accept and act accordingly, or reject and seek to change?

Well, I guess that depends more upon who you are, and not on what you are!

Is it funny?

A blog post on Huffington suggested that some topics are just not funny for some people. 

They're right, some are not.

If someone laughs, does that mean it's ok to have shared the joke; on the assumption that generating a laugh was the intention of the joke in the first place?

Who is the barometer of comedic value? Someone who's offended, or anyone that finds it funny?

More to come on this topic ...

Who Do You Tell?

I've heard it said that we must not engage others with stories of the difficulties in our lives because not only does it make us relive the unpleasantness ourselves, it also invokes all the elements to put further such experiences in our future.

Is counselling finished?

Seth Godin's Freelancer Course on Udemy

This is Assignment No.1

It is encouraged that the sharing is public, so I can't get away with scribbles on the back of a proverbial fag-packet. Here goes:

What do you want to do? (Not your job, but your work, now, tomorrow, and in the future)* Who do you want to change, and how do you want to change them? *If you’re having trouble answering this, you’re going to have trouble moving up, because you’ve abdicated your dream to whomever walks in the door next.

Create and deliver a change model for businesses that simplifies and really helps them communicate with clarity, both internally and to a wider world.

Who do you want to change, and how do you want to change them?

Sales staff, presenters and leadership team members, to have a better understanding of their talents and apply them when dealing with others, with courage, confidence and kindness.

How much risk? (from 1 [a little] to 10 [bet everything]), how much are you willing to put at stake to make the change you seek?

It's not a risk to pursue this model as I don't need to deflect my attention from anything else that's current, and forego that, to achieve my aim.

How much work are you willing to do to get there? Be specific about the tradeoffs.

It's easy to say whatever it takes, when 'whatever' is unknown. Instead I'll say that progressively I'll build the content, add, delete and polish it with the help of others and develop a client-focused offering by engaging with potential clients and partners.

Does this project matter enough for the risk and the effort you’re putting into it?

Absolutely. It carries both legacy and currency. It must also be transferable in order to be shared with others who will deliver it.

Is it possible — has anyone with your resources ever pulled off anything like this?

Yes. Acceptance of the model by a single source that leads to a reference site, or several that expand to referrals are both possible. Targeting smaller clusters of business offers them a chance to group together. Others have done this many times before me.

Dealing with tough customers

A topic I've often been asked about.

Those that ask for help are typically looking for a formula or process to maximise the return from tough clients, and minimise their impact.

Here is the issue: when you set up your business was the capture of tough accounts one of your goals? No, it wasn't.

So now that you have them, what's the best thing to do? 

Go back to your plan. They weren't there.

Get rid of them, unless you've decided to become a specialist in dealing with difficult customers.

It's the right thing to do. 

Lost in Translation

It's a familiar title, not only a widely-used idiom but also a movie.  You may have even said it to someone recently, I did.  I realised we may just be accepting it as something we cannot change.

But how does it affect you and your business?

What are the key communication factors in understanding and the major blocks to understanding?

What difference would an improved performance make to you?

Internal communications between colleagues and co-workers, associates, partners and teams suffer from misunderstandings every working day.

Conflicts simmer unresolved and some come to the boil.

Business that could be agreed goes unwritten, and ends up with someone else.

If you could improve three things in your current communication portfolio, as an individual or a team or a company, what would you develop, what would you add to your portfolio and what would you eliminate?

I invite your thoughts and comments.

T.I.F.G.

In a recent conversation with a friend about the content of a Webinar we had both listened in to I said its depth wasn't what I'd expected, yet we agreed that the information provided was well-structured, informative and helpful.

It struck me that the things we take for granted, especially the knowledge we assume exists in everyone listening, prevents the transfer we planned.

Mixing a well known end-of-the-week acronym gave me a title for this blog post. It's a good title if it encouraged you to read it, even if you thought I'd messed up, and took it for granted.

and you are ...?

LinkedIn told me that it had found people I knew and may want to connect with, so I clicked through to see who.

I am currently astounded at the self-labelling deployed by many to stand out from the crowd, not least because I would like to do similar but somehow lack the indulgent self-delusion apparent in the profiles of many recommended connections.

Leading, Passionate, Accomplished, Celebrated and other such self-stuck attributions of grandeur are prevalent. I understand why it's necessary to illuminate your own merits but there is something inherently insidious lurking within an online introduction written in the third person, but clearly created by the person it describes.

For now I will remain puzzled and continue to seek an answer within myself as to how I can jump this obstacle and appear on the other side of it without feeling like a total fraud; if you read this and have an insight I'd welcome you sharing it.